This writing is being created to explain a portion of my life.
I am Jose Moreno and this is part 2 of a series of writings I am creating attempting to explain my life thus far.
In my last blog entry,
I was explaining how a lot of my younger life was dictated by the media and things I saw as cool while growing up.
This is an attempt to describe my younger life to up until a bit after my first arrest as a juvenile.
I was born and raised in the Central Valley of California.
The Valley is comprised of small towns, where the parties are in the cuts (country for you city people).
Everyone knows everyone, is what it means to be Central Valley raised.
It was just me until I was 3, then my brother was born.
(Written in Prison)
In a place where the sun hardly shines.
Where many laugh when the pain is hard to hide.
Reality seems paused, standing still, until you realize things keep going without you.
Your mind wanders plus distorts memories.
You start wondering how different life could have been, if only you knew then what you know now.
You don’t like meeting new people, or at least sometimes you feel like you don’t.
You tell yourself you need to change and maybe that’s why rebelling was so appealing.
Then you wonder if there is more to life.
There must be. The perplexity of everything, the simplicity of nothing.
The concept of concept.
What is a thought?
How much does it weigh?
Where were you before you were?
Cogito ergo sum. (I think, therefore I am).
So much you know.
So much you wish you didn’t…
What does it mean to you to be alone forever?
Separated and isolated.
In the dark.
With nothing but the memories you’ve collected,
Would that be punishment enough for the things that we’ve committed?
For the things we’ve thought?
Who considers himself not an evil person?
Self delusions are virulent and deadly, and can lead to our demise.
Don’t be deceived.
Trust not yourself, for you cannot be the perfect standard.
Neither can corrupt humanity.
If you are yet to hear of this man, you have certainly seen his product frequently every time you go to the gas station and grocery shopping. 5 Hour Energy was released to the market in 2004. In less than 10 years, sales grew to over 1 billion dollars. Now, 5 Hour Energy is estimated a worth of over 4 billion dollars.
What can one do to change when what one does is all he’s ever done?
And if all he ever did is all he ever does, will it be all he’ll ever do?
The logic doesn’t follow.
If we continually do something, what can one do to change it?
We strive to do what seems right unto our own eyes,
convincing ourselves all the days of our life.
We persuade ourselves others are wronging us and find reasons to shift our guilt or blame others.
Sometimes we even believe our own lies to free ourselves from our conscience.
“What are we without direction?”
If we only move toward the pattern we are used to
and only strive along its path because of our familiarity with it,
will it not bring us into a circle from which there is no escape?
One experiences human observation individually.
One observes constantly through the available senses and decides what makes sense to them.
Along the path of the journey, one begins to realize what they believe their purpose is.
Even those who believe there is no purpose, have made it their purpose to believe such things.